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Welcome To EZDOTCOM Internet Consulting! This site is my online portfolio featuring ASP, JavaScript, and DHTML programming examples as well as examples of my technical writing. The site also features Perspectives, my periodic newsletter for friends and family that takes an off-beat look at the (mis)adventures I stumble into, while I'm trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing.
 
Personal Updates
12/4/2003 - Important Spam Notice
Some "scalawag" is currently using my domain ezdotcom.com to spam users about this and that. I am not a spammer, although I do play one on TV, so please do not forward your blah, blah, anti-spam emails to me.
4/19/2003 - Free The WM3 - Email Awareness Campaign
Ever wonder what would happen if you were falsely accused of a horrific crime? You would most likely have confidence in the legal system to prove your innocence. What if that didn't happen? For Damien Echols, Jason Baldwin, and Jessie Misskelley that's exactly what didn't happen. I've created a web-based form that automatically sends out emails in support of this case.
1/19/2003 - Parlez vous englais?
Last Saturday I found myself sitting in the Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris. I sat there for about an hour listening to a choir sing and marvelling at the the architecture. It was amazing. This was literally the first overwelming spiritual feeling of any kind I've had in almost 25 years. Of course, I took a couple of Tums once a got outside and that feeling quickly subsided.
12/26/2002 - I Spy With My Black, Bruised, Little Eye
Well I managed to get another black eye. This time it was a hockey skate that almost blinded me in my left eye. Last year it was a goalie stick that split my right eye lid open. Interesting enough, there was a time when I wish I was blind. It was when my mom crawled out of the Hawaiian surf without her bathing suit top.
11/17/2002 - Web Designer Awakes From 11-Month Coma
National Enquirer - Web designer Brent Lymer awoke from a 11-month long design coma to update his website. Lymer added new examples of his work, including an example of a technical white paper, a representation of a WOW screen installation wizard, his time limits UI prototype for McAfee Privacy Service, and a JavaScript mockup of a Windows-like help file. Once the update was completed, Lymer simply crawled back on his sofa, passed out, and began drooling on himself.
11/9/2002 - Can I Super Size That Order?
I had to buy underwear today. I must say the experience was as humiliating as it was the first time I bought my own underwear, which was during my 25th year of existence. Up to the tender age of 25, my mom - yes my mom - would buy my yearly supply of underwear and present it to me Christmas morning. Today the experience was extra enjoyable as my wife Cheryl took each delicate item from their "beef-cake" endorsed box and sized them up against my frame as I stood in the department store aisle. Ah, good times, good times...
9/29/2002 - Is That "Porno" You're Reading?
Just finished reading Irvine Welsh's new book "Porno", the followup sequel to his book - turned to film - "Trainspotting". I highly recommend a read - but don't read it on a plane or in a public place. The cover has a photo of a blowup doll and the word "Porno" blazened across the sleeve and spine. No really Mom... I bought it for the the informative articles.
7/3/2002 - Random Thoughts
Every now and again I have these random thoughts. For example, recently I decided if I was a transvestite porn star I'd use the name 'Candy Dick'. That way once I grew out of that phase I could change my name to 'Dick Candy' and play a male lead. (Like you don't think about these things...)
3/17/2002 - Best Wife In The World!
You know you have the best wife in the world when you return from a weekend hockey tournament in Las Vegas with a fever blister on your upper lip and rash on your crotch (4 games with a wet jock) and she doesn't ask any questions.
2/8/2002 - 2001 Newsletter Finally Launched
Cheryl and I finally launched our 2001: Year In Review newsletter. The critics have spoken and this newsletter is a success.

  You're still funny...looking. - David Papineau

  Now I have to change MY underwear - Jim Martin

  Please stop spamming me! - Some guy we don't know

  I could have done without the 'blow-hole' photo. - Brent's Mom

  My favourite is the U of Pooh. - Craig Martin

  Oh my Gawd. LOVED this. Totally awesome! - James Schmidt
1/30/2002 - Canadian Grammar 101
Here's a little friendly Canadian clarification - "off sides" is a football term, "offside" is a hockey term. In hockey, you're either "offside" or you're "on side" - its a singular, non-plural event. Don't even get me started about the "dasher"!
1/21/2002 - Moving On Up, To The East Side...
Like George Jefferson, I'm movin' on up at McAfee.com. I was recently promoted to the position of Director of Product Marketing. Hey... have your people call my people and we'll do lunch.
1/19/2002 - Free the West Memphis Three
On May 6, 1993, the mutilated bodies of three 8-year-old boys were found in a shallow creek in West Memphis, Arkansas. A short time later police arrested three local teenagers, linking the boys' killings to a satanic ritual.
Ever wonder what would happen if you were falsely accused of a horrific crime? Well..., you would most likely have confidence in the legal system to prove your innocence. What if that didn't happen? For Damien Echols, Jason Baldwin, and Jessie Misskelley that's exactly what didn't happen. Cheryl and I recently watched Joe Berlinger and Bruce Sinofsky's documentary, Paradise Lost 2: Revelations, a followup documentary to their award winning 1996 documentary, Paradise Lost: The Child Murders at Robin Hood Hills. It's extremely frustrating to watch the ignorance and incompetence that first imprisoned and then continues to keep these men in jail.
11/30/2001 - Shark Bites Penguin In The Ass 5 Times In A Row
Cheryl and I spent yesterday evening at the Shark Tank, sorry I mean Compaq Center, with my buddy Gino and his girlfriend Lisa. Scored some great seats from McAfee.com, had a freebee dinner at Gino's restaurant The Tied House, was featured on the Score Board - giving Gino a smooch (don't ask), and awoke with a hangover. Oh yeah, spent most of the evening mocking the cougars sitting in front of us.
10/7/2001 - It's Official, Rich Clayton Can Kiss My Ass!
After one month of unemployment, I have the honor of working with my extremely talented friend Atri once again - this time at McAfee.com. Yesterday, after an extensive full body cavity search I was granted a TN-1 Visa to continue to work in the US. Given recent ecomomic and terrorists events, I am thankful that I am being allowed the opportunity to continue to work and live in the US.
10/3/2001 - Pee Your Pants Funny
After a three week wait our Dane Cook CD, ''Harmful If Swallowed'', arrived. Dane Cook is a young, fresh standup who Cheryl and I stumbled across while watching Comedy Central. Check out an example of Dane's humor here: Tickling (.wav file)
9/24/2001 - Howard Stern Rescue Relief Fund
To donate to the Howard Stern Relief Fund call 877-280-9130. These contributions will be used to aid the families of Police, Fire, EMS and other city employees involved in New York rescue efforts.
9/19/2001 - Vegas Baby... Vegas!
Cheryl and I just returned from a quick road trip to Vegas to rejunvinate ourselves. We stayed at the Flamingo, won a bit-o-coin playing $25 slots, and enjoyed the Blue Man Group at the Luxor.
8/28/2001 - On To Better Things
Along with ~30 other Responsys employees, Cheryl and I were shown the parking lot for one final time. Best wishes to all those friends who remain, including (but not limited to) James, Kali, Angela, Clarissa, Colleen, Al, Steve, Virendra, Raghu (Big and Little), Brad, Daniel, Tory, Rob, Kelly, Erika, Raphael, Tim, Russell, Ed, and Anand. As for those e-staff members not listed, allow me to bend over while you pucker up. To get the full scoop on Responsys CLICK HERE.
 
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